A stranger in our home..

We sent our domestic helper back to the agency today. After a year of relatively good work, things starting to turn a bit funny 1-2 months ago. We were so thankful when she first arrived- the best bit being that she spoke decent English- enough to understand us and make herself understood. She was also doing ok in her work and generally had a reasonable attitude. She was also fairly smart, and from what I could gather, she was saving up to further her studies when she got home, and hoped to hold an office job someday.

Of course, she wasn't perfect. There were times when she seemed to take ages getting one thing done, and she could sometimes be a tad rude when she spoke to us. But all in all, it was ok- we kept one eye open and the other eye closed most of the time. We were even hoping that we could convince her to extend her contract with us for another year.

I would like to think that we treated her well. We took her out for nice meals, bought things for her, allowed her to call home regularly (FOC), brought her along for short family trips, etc. We also gave her a bonus at the end of her 1st year; I still remember the surprised look on her face when she thanked me and gave me a hug...

When she wanted to send money home, we bent over backwards trying to find out the best way of getting it done, so that it would not have to cost her an arm and a leg. We spent quite a bit of money calling her family and also banks in Cambodia to try and sort things out.

Anyway, one fine day she came up to me to say that she wanted to go home. The reason? Apparently her mother 'found' her a boyfriend back home, and she was supposed to go home to get married. After talking to her a bit more, I realised that this guy was willing to wait until she 'finished studying' before getting married. I explained that she should stay focused on her goal of furthering her education so that she could have a better life, and if this guy could wait a few years, what's a further few months (until she finishes her contract here and goes home)? And so, after giving it some thought- she agreed that it made sense for her to stay on. And guess what, she later confessed that the reason she gave me about the guy was a lie!! Nevermind, I thought- I put it down to her missing her family and not being able to tell me just that- the simple truth.

And so, life went on. Things were still ok until we helped her to send some money to her parents, and then she came up to me and said she still wanted to go home. The reason this time? A whole lot scarier. She said she 'liked one of my relatives' (whom I shall not name in this blog posting); and she felt she had to go home before 'something happened'. That seriously freaked us out. So we told her fine we'll send her home via the agency, and then she got a bit scared and said she didn't want to go home after all, and that the story about her 'crush' was a lie. I told her I was tired of her nonsense; I'd already spent hours trying to talk things through with her, trying to help her sort out her obviously cluttered mind, and that there was little point in asking her to stay if her heart was not in the job anymore. I cannot afford to deal with her 'see-saw' behaviour, especially not when I'm due to have another baby soon.

There were other things that happened of course. She got progressively distracted while doing her routine work, one day she didn't eat anything- saying she wasn't hungry, she cut her hair one day using the kitchen scissors (and mind you, she previously gave me a long face when I took her for a haircut months ago, since she wanted to grow her hair out), and the very next day she cut her hair even shorter, looking like she had been bitten by a dog. The scary part was that we're 80% sure she cut her hair- the 2nd time- in the dark (since her room light was off, while the previous night it was on till about midnight where we later found out she was cutting her hair- the 1st time). On top of that, she previously confronted me and demanded to know if we were spying on her via CCTV (which we were not); and that was the one time when I ticked her off for hurling accusations, for being rude, and spending her time entertaining bizarre thoughts as if the whole world was against her. Later I found out that she accused my dad of the same thing, and even after explaining to her that none of us have CCTV, she still harboured the thought (we deduced that from her passing remarks/mumblings which she thought we did not hear). Everything that happened really got all of us thinking whether she was emotionally or mentally stable...

It was really unsettling living with the thought of a potential danger in our home. After all this time, we were like family- we treated her like she was part of the family, trusted her with our child.. and she suddenly morphs into this stranger that we did not recognise. We were worried and afraid; locking our bedroom door at night (which we have not done since we moved to this place), and did not dare to ask her to mind the little one anymore, not even for 5 minutes.

We sat her down once and for all this morning, and asked what her final decision was. She said she wanted to go home, so we told her to pack her bags immediately and we sent her off to the agency to sort the paperwork out.

With the benefit of hindsight (all 10 hours of it :p); we have a sneaky suspicion that all this could have been a ploy to get us to agree to let her go home. Guess we made the mistake of helping her send money home (the agent told us today that we allowed her to send too much); it could be the case that her parents saw all that cash and asked her to come on home instead. If this whole 'behaving-a-bit-crazy' thing was just an act, then I must have to say she is quite an actress. We probably would have held out if we didn't have a small child, with another one on the way, and opt for her to attend counselling sessions at the agency (which apparently is quite effective). Given the circumstances though, we thought it best not to take any chances. Well, sneaky ploy or not, we will never know. Perhaps being away from her family for so long (depression maybe?) caused all this to surface.

Personally, I am disappointed and really upset with her; having taken a lot of time, effort and financial resources to extend our care and friendship, and to demonstrate kindness to her, only to be sadly reminded that kindness does not always beget kindness. And so, we are now without domestic help; it'll take some getting used to, but I'm sure we'll manage. Hopefully we can get a replacement before our baby girl arrives...

Sigh.

Some exciting news to share!

Well, this isn't exactly 'new' news, especially if you've seen me around on a relatively regular basis... but hubby and I are expecting Baby No.2!! We found out during Chinese New Year this year, and that was very early on- at about 5 1/2 weeks. I'm already at 25 weeks now, and the EDD is Oct 18. How exciting!

Oh.. and it's a girl!! My doctor just confirmed that last weekend. A little boy, plus a little girl on the way- God is good to us indeed!

This 2nd pregnancy has been going ok so far; will keep praying that it stays that way. It's tiring of course, having to care for one with another in the womb. Physically it's been definitely tougher; previously I could just lie in bed when I was tired. Not this time. I try not to carry and lift the little toddler too much though, since it puts quite a fair bit of strain on my back and also my tummy.

All that aside, I do enjoy being pregnant... The most wonderful bit is feeling the little kicks; that truly is an amazing experience that cannot be adequately described by words. A wonderful reminder of the miracle of life, and the greatness of our God the Creator.. who blessed us with this little being growing inside me. Her little kicks bring a smile to my face almost every time :)

I'm worried about actually delivering the baby, of course, even though I've done it before. I'm trying not to think too much about it for now, and enjoy the rest of the pregnancy. Time does fly by! Hopefully the delivery will be better than the last time...

Would greatly appreciate your prayers! Thank you so much.

Watch this space for more updates :)